Defining Philosophies

This was the Philosophies page that I used on the original website.

     Off the bat, people tend to notice that on many levels I seem "different" than most people they know. I tend to be very random in what I think and say. I’ve always described that I feel like my mind is a busy airport where thoughts are constantly landing and taking off. I try to vocalize as many thoughts as I can before they take off and are gone forever. I carry a notebook where I can jot down ideas as they come to me. I mentally dissect anything and everything. I strive to understand everything in all dimensions. Most of all, I strive to understand myself. The best way for that is to write down some of those things that I do believe, as random and eclectic as they are. If you manage to read through all of this, you'll have a fairly good understanding of how I think and who I am.

(If you recognize her, that is Christina Bounds from Starting Over)

     Socrates said, “The unexamined life isn’t worth living,” and I take that to heart. I constantly analyze the “why” behind everything I do. I feel as though many people wander around ignorant, living life without purpose or reason beyond the simple goal of maintaining existence. There is nothing more disconcerting than asking someone a question, only to get the answer, “I dunno,” or, “I’m not sure.” When we know why we do anything, we are more motivated by that purpose in life.

     I believe we can be whatever we want. As an existentialist, I believe that everything is fueled by mind over matter. Many people become trapped in a fate of a situation simply because they acquiesce to mediocrity. They forget that if they want to change any aspect of their lives, it lies within their own power to do so. It’s much easier to become a victim of the world and blame things that go wrong on something other than your own decisions and failings. Sure, random chance may deal blows from time to time, but some people will stay knocked down and dwell on what knocked them down rather than what they can do to get themselves back up.

     My logical side forces me to see my own hand in my destiny based on decisions of the past, present, and future. There was a point in my life when I decided to build a model in my mind of what kind of man I wanted to be. While I have concrete characteristics of who I want to be, the most absolute is the abstract goal of constant self-improvement. I believe that who we are is psychosomatic, so to become what I want, I simply need to be aware of my actions and guide myself to that end. I am the product of my motivation, actions, and inactions. Since I have this idea that my life’s destiny is in my own hands, I don’t logically take pity on people with unfortunate situations, for example, the homeless. I know what it is like to have nothing, but I took the steps to build myself back up. It could be argued that some have been messed up from drugs or lack of education, but initially it was more than likely their decision to take the drugs or to avoid school. Some would argue that they perhaps might not have had the luxury of going to school. Maybe so, but at some point, they decided to not try. Inaction to do something positive can be just as bad as doing something negative.

     Yet, on the contrary, against my stone cold logic, I do feel an extreme amount of pity any time I see someone huddled on the side of a road, hungry and freezing. I don’t have very much money, but when I see someone homeless, if I have some, I will go buy food and talk to him or her. While this may seem that it goes against the beliefs I hold for myself - I choose not to become victim of anything and take responsibility. That doesn’t mean I can’t have a passionate side, feeling empathy for others. In my model of who I want to be, I want to be logical and empirical, but not become so cold and unforgiving that I lose my human nature. In order for me to become a better man, I want to be more caring and empathetic. It is then logical for me to logically forgo logic and embrace passion and emotion.

     Some people say that I can’t do that because the philosophy is contrary unto itself. I ask why? Why can’t we exist by a philosophy that adapts to fit a changing life? Only a fool would willingly, unflinchingly stick to one set of rules for his or her life. Somehow an imaginary set of rules have been applied to life and philosophy that you must be one thing and one thing only. Sartrian Existentialism and Religion seem to be disciplines that contradict each other since Existentialism largely rejects the soul. By definition of my being a Christian, I can’t be an existentialist. Not so, here I am an existential Christian! Existentialism is not something concrete, only a name given to a package of ideas bundled together by a human mind. (I guess that makes me a Nominalist as well.) There is no reason that I can’t pick what I want from different thoughts and construct a personal philosophy of my own. So in that sense I say, be who you want, and don’t let the conventions of society try to pigeonhole you into a stereotype. Society will try to define the indefinable. Simply live beyond definition and be aware of your own unique worth.

     Since I don’t believe in the rules of convention and fitting a type of static personality, I try to act simply as I choose to, aware of the stimuli that moves me to do so. Of course there are times that rules must be obeyed, such as the work field and the unwritten laws of formality. To get a promotion, you may have to adjust to fit certain aspects of yourself to the norms of a boss so that he can give you a raise. However, the conformed dynamics are but a few of the many potential facets for self-expression. So yes, conformity isn’t always a bad thing. Through conforming, you are given more money and more opportunity to express yourself. Some people give conformity a bad name and rebel. This is just conformity of another sort, and equally as shallow by their own definitions. Being who you want to be regardless of public opinion is the only way to live. I say, if you want to rebel against something, rebel against the conventions of society that are rules without basis. Eat whatever meals whenever you want. Eat breakfast for dinner and eat dinner for lunch, but start with desert and work your way to soup. Let your rebellion simply be a label to your own unique habits, but don’t rebel for rebellion’s sake. Though some, ultimately through unique actions will fall within the ideas judged by society to be rebellious, it is the motivation and decisions that led them there that hold the truth.

     People often talk about finding their “true selves.” I personally don’t think a “true self” exists. I see a “true self” as an escape that people use when they want to escape a situation or want to make an unneeded excuse for their conscience. This is inherent in my belief that I can be whoever or whatever I want. If I am capable to change myself for what I perceive to be the better, then it should also be possible for stimulus and conditions to turn me into something I can’t face. If you are defined and set in stone, even positive change is impossible. I believe that we are all capable of doing anything. I’m sure that I, given the situation, could do unpredictable, unintentional, and even terrible things. I’ve just never been tested too hard. So to say something like “I could never do that; it isn’t who I am,” is simply a lie we tell ourselves to feel better about who we are. We have to accept the fact that under certain dynamics, we are capable of anything, good or bad. Only by knowing this, can we police ourselves from the bad. So in this acceptance we take responsibility for our own actions. There is no stimulus that can “make” us do anything negative. What makes us do wrong things is the casual ignorance of the negative potential. We must maintain the “who we want to be” through diligence instead of living in the fallacy of a victim. If you can’t be a victim, then your power is limitless.

     In knowing that many people are unfortunately incapable of controlling their power over life, I find it possible to deal with a situation without taking it personally. I’m not easily offended by another’s actions or words. I treat others in terms of what I see to be the big picture. Rather than be angry that a person did a negative action, I look for their reasoning. We shouldn’t judge, but at times we have to deal with a situation where judgments and validations must be assigned. So if I must, I judge a man by his motivation combined with action. Some people have the right idea, but go about it all wrong. We have to look at everyone within his or her respective role in life. Some people make decisions based on their station of life and what they are used or expected to do. We must question, “If I were in his or her shoes, would I make the same decision?” I can be upset at or disappointed with a person, but I can’t get angry with someone trying to enrich his or her life while unwittingly robbing another’s. It’s human nature to do what benefits the self to perpetuate or increase the quality of life. Some are locked into a mindset and are unable to see the bigger picture and how they affect everything else.

     Because I take the view that anyone can be in control of himself or herself, I believe that anyone is capable of changing. Some people say that no one can change who they really are. This is simply an excuse to live in bitterness and withhold forgiveness. Think of all the stories of people who were delinquent children, but grew to be upstanding members of society. Change is possible, we just have to be willing to allow it to happen. Just as I have made mistakes in my past and have been forgiven, I can forgive others who believe themselves unforgivable. No one’s hands have always been spotless. We all make mistakes because of the fact that we do strive to try new things and adapt to situations in new ways. I live for forgiveness. Hate begets hate. I would rather pray for those who have wronged me than curse them.

     I hold tight to an ideal of fate. I believe that everything is intertwined with everything else. Think butterfly effect. I see instances of strange circumstances and ironies with such frequency that I see it more as a result of divine design then result of random occurrence. Fortunate random occurrences in my life happen so often that if God ran a casino, I would have bankrupted him long ago. I think patterns exist, and with every action is a specific unchangeable reaction. I don’t think it’s ever possible to know the future or to understand fate since the idea of knowing about fate would compromise fates true course. So the only possible explanation for if people who could really foresee and understand the effects on fate would be a mass Cassandra Complex. In the Greek myths, Cassandra was a precognitive who could tell the future, but no one would believe and as result she was unable to change the future. I believe in fate, but believe it is impossible to predict, yet shown in evidence of coincidences that have happened. Sure, I may feel like I’m being driven in a direction of fate, but it is probably an interpretation of the present based on occurrences of the past and simply an attempt to understand the unknowable future. Since I believe in such a definite design, I believe it is sometimes possible to see patterns and trends, and to expect them on a subconscious level and react thusly. These expectations are what we consider to be intuition, but expectation and prediction are totally different, and must not be confused. I believe that anything that will happen is set in stone and because of the fact we don’t know what it is, we feel that we have “free-will.” However, I see free will as a great illusion that is only the result of a fair and fortunate ignorance to the future. Thankfully, this illusion allows us to perceive our actions as taking life into our own hands.

     As for taking life into my own hands, I’m well aware that I’m a man who is easily given to extremes. Recognizing this, I do my best to moderate myself. As a teen, I once ate five pounds of Swedish Fish candy in one sitting. This is where I got my first stomach full of painful excess. As an adult (or pseudo-adult/man-boy) I am aware that I must maintain myself with set rules. Erick Larson wrote, “Without control, there is only chaos, and chaos is uncontrollable.” As an example of rules I set for myself, I deal with the potential of alcohol uniquely. As a rule, I allow myself to buy two bottles of alcohol a year, (excluding wine when I cook for guests.) Beyond these, I won’t buy any more drinks, only accepting free drinks from others. Because of the fact I hate going to a bar with no purpose other than to drink, I don’t really get too many free drinks. So by knowing my habits and lifestyle, I am allowed to keep myself in check with standards of moderation. When we have the potential for detrimental extremes, it is up to us to exercise our own constraints.

     The one vice I avoid most is, ironically, TV. I went two years without a TV simply because I hated to see how it ruled people's lives slowly and sneakily. Rather than doing, we spend more time watching. When I cut it out of my life, I began to create adventure of my own. People complain that they never have time to do anything with work and obligations, yet they fail to see that every minute that they sit and watch TV is time being taken from other opportunities. So for me to better myself, I cut TV out. I recently got one so I could watch my own show. Ahh vanity.

     I seem to have the mentality that could allow me to become addicted to anything. Friends often joke that I have Attention Surplus Disorder. I can sit and do one thing for hours. For class I can wake up at 8 in the morning and read a text book and take notes straight till midnight and do the same thing the next day. However, I often become lost in activities and need to moderate myself here as well. Once, simply because I wasn't paying attention to what I was doing, I sat down and played a videogame for 17 hours straight without food and only bathroom breaks. Since I'm in a busy period of my life, I had to give up video games. Now I only play them on special occasions such as when I visit my family and play against my brother or simple old Tetris on insomniac nights.

     Much like my philosophies, my model of who I want to be is a patchwork of different qualities from people I’ve met or read about in my life. Any time I see someone who has a quality that stands out to me, I adopt it into my ideal. Like my philosophies, some of these qualities seem to be at ends with each other, but in my own unique way I attempt to combine them. In becoming who I want to be, I make mistakes from time to time and stumble often, but it’s that knowledge from the experience that helps me fine-tune what I am becoming. I may do something one week and the opposite the next after learning faults in one way. So while I stay basically the same, I change enough to keep those around just a little off balance. Natural selection tells us a static species will die off while one that is more adaptable to its environment will survive.

     Similarly, I tend to look at things in numbers. I lean toward the ends justifying the means. If the result is more positive than the negative means to get there, I’m very tempted to be attracted to that decision. As I said above, I desire to be flexible enough that I don’t have to live my life by that. It is possible to combine ethical decision-making and the “ends justify the means” attitude. My intentions are to be as little a negative influence as possible. This contributes to my risk assessment: what is my potential loss versus my potential gain? This is how I rationalize making great sacrifices for my life plans. These number calculations mediate everything from my rampant speeding in cars to my avoidance in asking for help. I wish to be as little of an inconvenience as possible. I try not to ask for people to go out of their way to help me with things I can do on my own, but if someone offers help, I’m not so proud that I can’t accept it.

     As far as relationships go, I am still very analytical. I can’t do anything without purpose, so I won’t stay in a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship. I date someone with the intention of deciding whether or not they are someone I could love and eventually marry. I don’t want to get married any time soon, but it is the end I seek. I break up when I realize they are someone I either can’t love or marry. It is possible to have one without the other, but the trick is finding them together, and I’m still searching.

     Like many young men, the majority of who I am is based on the relationship with my family. My father has always been my greatest model. When I was young, I always admired how strong of a man he was, he was always a great father and a great provider. The reason I look up to him is because he is a man of strong morals and truth. As I grew up, he always taught me the values of helping others, and treating everyone as you want to be treated. Sure anyone can say that, but time and time again he lived what he spoke. Being a firm believer in the golden rule, he wouldn’t take advantage of people when pressed by bosses. His morals weren’t for sale. The lessons I learned from his adhering to what he believed in and his faith have made me who I am today. My “doing things my way” attitude came from him, along with my belief in sustaining family relationships. Ultimately it was the ethics he taught me that have made me the man I am today. We are as close as a father and son can be.

     From my mother, I have included the subtle innocence of manner into my ideal. She has always been a woman who has an innocent air about her. No matter how hard things were, she always held a smile for the benefit of her kids. She had a strong spirit and always put others before herself. It is this focus on sacrifice that has given me my altruistic side. Even when I am at my worst, I won’t allow my attitude to bring down anyone else. Plus I’ve learned that I can hold on to that childish innocence of attitude and grow up without growing old. Some may consider climbing a tree while dressed formally immature. I ask, why? Does my indulgence into simple inconsequential matters affect the way I do business? I can still maintain my youthful idealism and innocence, but still make the rational decisions that have to be made in day-to-day life. The role of my lot in life should never affect my attitude and outlook. So as any son would, I still look out for her to this day.

     Since I’m a comic fan, I had to have my favorite character, Colossus, into the mix. First yeah I know it’s not real, but in the big picture, what is the value of comic books? They are devices to reflect various ethics in a society. It is the premise behind the character that I enjoy. He is a character who can turn his skin to metal, and basically make himself into an unstoppable tank. It’s just a typical super-strength comic character. However, he was written to be to a gentle, sensitive character who didn’t enjoy fighting, but only did when it was required of him. I like the idea that even if we can do something, it doesn’t mean we should. We can rise above what is expected of us, and do what we feel is right. Symbolically, the reason he is a strong character is because he is strong inside. Ever since I was seven, I thought he was so cool. He really made me want to be a protector, which effected how I am today. I really do have a driving force to protect people.

     My artistic influence comes from my admiration of Mike Patton, not as a musician, but as an artist. He is most commonly known as being the lead singer of the 90s band Faith No More, among many other projects. While I enjoy his artistic view of music, it is his view of his art in general, and how he won’t compromise it that I aspire to have. His not caring what people think of his art and only trying to impress himself is something I try to do myself. He even admits that what he does may not be enjoyed by society, but if it is enjoyed by him, that is all that matters. His view of music is similar to my view of life as art, just a little more profane. The following text is Patton from Arcana: Musicians on Music. Edited by John Zorn.

How We Eat Our Young

By Mike Patton

     If music is dying, musicians are killing it. Composers are the ones decomposing it. We are as responsible as anyone--although we'd love not to admit it. We lash out at "The Industry", blaming things like corporate structure for our shitty music--but we are the ones making it. We open the box they've given us and jump in, wrap ourselves up, and even lick the stamp. Why? Insecurity--the need for acceptance--maybe even money. We're not thinking about our music, just how it looks. One would rather have the warm tongue of a critic licking his asshole than the tongue of his spouse. It gives him a sense of validity and power. He seems to defy gravity. Maybe it is because he doesn't know what the hell else to do. He sees it coming--but freezes with panic like a deer in the headlights. Don't laugh--I've done it and you probably have too. And it has undoubtedly effected our music. (But have we learned anything from it?) We know that we are mostly a lot of slobbering babies who need constant stroking. We realize also in the moral order of society, we occupy positions similar to the thief, pimp, or peeping tom. We know that even if one has the pride of a bull, it is hard enough just to remain focused in this world. It gives us millions upon millions of images--distractions--all saying the same thing at the same time: DO NOT THINK. If your fantasy and desire give you migraines, how easy it is to forget them when there is so much to look at. Our creations die quickly when abandoned like this. Do we realize that we are eating our young? It seems the passion that moves us is accompanied by an incredible urge to squash it. It is as quick as a fucking reflex--a conditioned response. Is it a sexual problem? A puritanical one? The most intense and convincing music achieves a sexual level of expression, but what we normally feel is frigidity and limpness. It is just too easy for an artist to 'socialize' his desires when life tells him cardboard is OK. You should be ashamed of yourself! What is your fucking problem? If you don't come out, sooner or later you will die in there. Use chunks of yourself. Bodily fluids. Look left and right. Sift through others' belongings. Borrow. Steal. And try to achieve some sort of pleasure while doing it. This excitement should increase and intensify when you visualize it being shared by a number of people. Think about it. If it comes from inside you, it is automatically valid--it just may or may not be good. Because if it is not communicating in some way, its pleasure is as short-lived as a quick fuck in the back room. It doesn't mean shit. The labor of many composers is to construct elaborate walls of sound--but we often forget to leave a window or door to crawl out of. How can we survive in these clever little rooms? We must eat our creation or we will starve. At this point, we have heard what we wanted to hear--our ears have shut down. We've resigned as slaves to our own gluttony. But if we have boarded up our learning environment, our only way out is to teach what we know. Will they listen? Why should they? Because they need you as much as you need them. You can save them from being swallowed up by the world--they can save you from being swallowed up by the world. Young and old players should be seeking each other out and using each other. They should develop a healthy exchange of smut--and learn to wear each other's masks. In this kind of environment, incredible things can happen. Music can emerge that is athletic and personal. Music that is riddled with contradictions--impossibilities. And that is the shit that can defy gravity.

     I dabble into all media of art, but what I consider to be art is simply how I live my life. I view my life as a blank page that I color with the vibrancy of my actions and experiences. My painted life page is something that only I will ever be able to see, so what I do, I do to please myself. Different actions have different types of beauty. I do things that may seem odd, pointless, or random, simply because of the fact that I see an inherent beauty in those actions. This of course leads to people perceiving me as eccentric, which I consider to be a compliment. Since everyone has an expression, everyone can be an artist. I’m against government funding of “art” because it sets a precedent that one person’s expression is of more value than another’s. When creating “art” is funded, it becomes less of an art and more of a job. True art is something that does not come easy, and is fueled by our unmet desires and incomplete areas of life. Art, once expressed, simply becomes, decoration, music, or something of aesthetics. If I make art for other people's enjoyment, I have just whored out my expression and sold out my intentions. If someone can sell the product of their real art, congrats, that is capitalism, but the government shouldn’t force me to pay you.

     With my life art, I focus intensely on the lost beauty of situations. I believe that all of life has a beauty, even the negative. I deal with negativity by recognizing its beauty and defusing it with humor. When life seems to take a terrible turn, I simply look at the big picture and get astonished at how brilliantly beautiful an ironic pain can be. If God was writing a book of my life, a turn like that could make the reader gasp. That is true beauty. I also choose to laugh at that irony as well. I find humor in my obvious mistakes and the transcending of practical odds when the surreal happens. Laughter is most certainly the best medicine. Anything in life can be taken too seriously, and most is. I think political correctness is a major one. I am not vertically hindered; I am short. I enjoy a good joke at my expense, words are just words. Too many people want to be martyrs and victims. I refuse to be a victim of anything, especially words. Words are simply empty attachments of no value for recognition, the intrinsic value of anyone or anything lies within the actions and body, and not the words. Sure some words may have negative connotations, but intelligent people will see through the rhetoric. I say, let’s laugh in the in the face of insults and enjoy the joke aspect of them.

     Once I learned to appreciate the beauty in everything, I came to realize that I don’t really need much to be happy. I had a point in my life where I would hunt for buffet events and hang around afterward to take home the leftover food for a week’s food. I sold all my possessions for food money for a month. I still live as though I am poor. I never pass up free food; calories are calories. All of my furniture is stuff that I’ve scavenged. My clothing are things I’ve bought for a buck at a thrift shop. I reject the idea that newness is better. As long as it functions the same, what is the difference? I wear suits that I buy for three bucks and people think I look great. I don’t try to fool anyone. I make it a point to explain that I buy my clothes from thrift shops to dispel the notion of more money equals better. I live like I’m poor and I feel comfortable with my income. If I lived like I was financially comfortable, I would feel stressed and dissatisfied with my income.

     I’ve come to the conclusion that I would love to have lots of money and give it all away and maintain a relatively simple life. There are so many people out there who need food more than I need an ultra-deluxe Escalade. I would love to set an example of how a common man can live, and dedicate his life to the betterment of others. However, I don’t yet know what it’s like to be tempted by the idea of “more.” I’m sure many people start off as I do, but feel they never have enough and want more and more. I simply hope that I will stay true to my beliefs. Only time will tell.

     In the same sense that I am for helping out other people, I don’t believe it is the job of government to tell us to do that. I’m in a lowest class tax bracket, but I think it’s unfair that the rich are forced to pay a larger percent of their taxes. Sure some of them have done nothing to earn their money and are rich by inheritance. Why tell successful people that because they have made smarter business choices they have to give up their profit to those whose decisions weren’t as wise? If a person makes enough money by smart decisions, and can provide his children with a comfortable life, how can we say it isn’t in their right to inherit that money? Eventually those of them who are unwise will loose their money by foolish decisions, and it will be spread back out into the system. Sure, I feel that people shouldn’t live opulent lives until everyone lives comfortable lives. However I may feel, I don’t believe that my morality should be forced on others. It seems like jealousy, “Since I don’t make the money they do, I want them taxed more.” I think they should feel the urge of their own free will to help others. If they then don’t, who are we to force them? I personally wouldn’t respect them as much if they don’t, but that is my own view. If you aren’t doing anything to benefit the big picture, you are just taking up space. I would rather change people by setting an example than by forcing them to change. Take people like Oprah, Bono, and others who do great things for needy people. They live a little more luxuriously than I think I would, but they still live lives of charity. This is living by example.

     I live my life to experience as much as I can. From experience comes knowledge, and the more I know, the closer I am to my goal of who I want to be. There is so much that I have yet to learn. I want to soak up knowledge daily. I love being placed into unfamiliar surroundings and forcing myself to adapt. Life is full of so many opportunities, but many lack the desire to take risks for the chance to make something better. I’m a risk taker, which has gotten me into trouble before. But as has been said, we learn more from our mistakes than we do our successes. I’m not proud of all the choices I’ve made, but I made them just the same. My life is action, reaction, adaptation, lather, rinse, repeat. I’ve always felt it’s better to regret something I’ve done, than something I haven’t done. At least with the first I have closure, but with the latter, I can never escape the question that devours men’s souls, “what if?”

     I believe in standing up for my beliefs and causes. The right choice is not always the easy choice. It’s important to not become lax; we must stand for what is right. We can passionately back a cause, but it’s important to understand the rationale behind our actions and not lose focus on the facts. For example, I don’t use straws because I realized they do nothing for me, and fill landfills. Why be so wasteful? I try to be ecologically friendly, but not extremist. There is a lot of misinformation where science gives way to its own passion. Many environmentalists are part of a movement without understanding the facts. The founder of Green Peace resigned because he realized that the groupthink mentality had formed an ecological cult. The earth really isn’t in as much danger as many environmentalists would have people believe. The environmental movement is more based on passion than science. Many people are passionate to help “save”, but often don’t realize the reality of the situation. Even recycling itself does nothing for the environment. It’s often easy to be caught up in a cause whether it is factual or not. (Before you jump all over me, watch Penn and Teller's: Bullshit where they expose common myths.) My not using one straw is based on reducing waste, even though I am aware the “problem” isn’t really a problem. I simply do it because on a level that is nearly insignificant I can still see good in it. Don’t get me wrong, we do have problems with pollution and other various concerns. I think many environmental movements better the situation, but many are nothing but elitist, statistic twisting hypocrites. Ever see how many “earth-friendly” protesters drive SUVs? But I digress yet again. We must be aware of the big picture and have our facts right before we act.

     I hope that this page doesn't make it look like I am trying to paint myself as a saint, because I certainly am not. I'm no devil either, just a man who strives to be something more and escape that MTV mentality that is so predominant. My personal goal is to find those faults and weakness within myself and grow to overcome them. I live by my motto, “Be a better man today than I was yesterday.” It doesn’t always go as fast as I’d like and I stumble along the way, but it is in this big picture of my life that I find my drive. These random, ever changing philosophies provide the framework for everything from how I brush my teeth to why I love to climb. Even as they are posted, I’m sure that my opinions will change, but that is the nature of life - Adaptation.