Self Defined Flux

This was the Bio page that I used on the original website.

     So really, who am I? I am a man who lives his life to exist as the dichotomy of extremes - balancing somewhere between cliché and convention, rebellion and conformity. Seemingly contradictory, I have found a unique balance between all sides of myself. I exist to express my life as a work art of its own unique medium. I thrive to make myself a better man so that I can better help others. I am philosophically idealistic, but tackle my endeavors head on with a logical, empirical realism. Yet, none of that is concrete enough to give anyone an idea of who I am.

     I believe in being a modern day Renaissance man. I experience everything I can in order to gain more knowledge about the event itself, who I am, and how I work. I believe that in life, the most important thing is not the end result, but the journey. If I reach my goals, then I have not set them high enough. I intend grow emotionally, intellectually, physically, sexually, altruistically, and push the limits of life.

     I try and do everything, consuming life with a voracious hunger. I throw myself headlong into every opportunity that presents itself. I grasp at the slightest risky chance that can yield self-betterment. My life is full of such strange and unlikely experiences that those who know me are no longer surprised by my adventures. As a result, my life often lends itself to the subject of legends and rumors roughly based on the actual facts of my exploits. I thrive best in unfamiliar situations where I am forced to adapt rapidly, thus expanding my experience. I believe knowledge can be found anywhere and should be sought out.

     One contradicting balance that I exemplify is that between jock and nerd. I have always been the physical definition of an athletic jock. In high school I was a pole-vaulter, long jumper, triple jumper, sprinter, cross country runner, wrestler, weight lifter, and played any intramural sports I could get into. I could bench and leg-press the largest body weight percentage in school. Though over looked because of my height, I was an unexpected threat in any sport. Because my shoulders and knees aren't what they used to be, I still try to remain active. I lift when I can, bike, and run at night. Despite all of my athleticism, I consider myself more of a nerd. When it comes to what really matters, I assign more value to my intellectual skills than my physical ones. I spend the bulk of my free time studying, reading, or writing. Along with the nerd theme, I also collect comics, watch anime, and play video games (cautiously). I would much rather talk philosophy than sports. I find that in terms of attitude, I have more in common with geeks than jocks who tend to be a little elitist.

     To most, I may seem reckless and dangerous because of how far I am willing to go to test the limits of my body and skills. I am a huge fan of extreme sports and love to get out and do lots of climbing, mountain boarding, bridge jumping and skateboarding. That got me the role on the USA Adventures. I have scars from various crashes, bails, and rough landings. I am often given to moments of irrational passion and illogical extremes to test the limits of my mind and body. However, in actuality, any risks I take are very analyzed and weighed. I evaluate all factors before making a decision. So before I attempt anything that strikes my fancy, a plan for success will be carefully plotted. The appearance of spontaneity is simply well timed showmanship.

     In a world where the vernacular and manners are taking a nosedive toward lowbrow, I strive to be well spoken, polite, and gentlemanly. I am civilized and old fashioned, treating people with respect and following tradition and etiquette where appropriate. Conversely, no matter how polite and respectful I am, at heart and attitude, I am an old-school punk-rocker. I jump into any mosh pit and don't come out until I'm black and blue. I’ll knock someone into a wall and then ask them if they are okay. Though my work dress code has ended my vibrant hair coloration, I still consider myself a punker first and foremost. Though I may dress preppy, the punk intensity is something inside. Someone once told me I'm "too nice to be punk, and too punk to be nice."

     Like most nice guys, I am both forward and shy depending on the situation. I typically wear my heart on my sleeve; what you see is what you get. I am open and honest, telling my feelings exactly as they are. I am very romantic and create elaborate dates down to little details to let girls know how I feel. Yet as outgoing as I am, I tend to be a little shy and slow with some girls who catch my attention. I have learned that I'm a bit more intense than most, and coming full blast can tend to scare people off. So I have learned to moderate my passion, but probably not as well as I should. I’m the rare male who seeks a relationship with commitment and not the chase. As results I have very short and very long relationships with little in between. I won’t date someone who I feel would have no long term potential just to string them along for the temporary relationship.

     I try to reach a balance of self and altruism for others by combining forward progress for both at once. I often go far out of my way to help others, diving headfirst into any situation where I can help save someone or alleviate his or her pain. I believe in a causal manifestation of Karma. By helping others, they help others who will help others and eventually the cyclical effect comes back around. I try to live a simple, down-to-earth life. I’ve lived in that limbo between housed and homeless, but never worried that I would be unhappy. I find that my own happiness is independent of material wealth and that no matter what, I will adapt and survive. One of my goals is to teach others this mentality. The best way I can do this is to set an example for others to follow.

      I also see myself as a peacemaker who wears boxing gloves. The kind of defender you don’t want to piss off. I do my best to strive for peace and mediate conflict. I believe that physical confrontation should be the last possible option to any situation, but on the other hand I won't run from a fight. When we talk about our ideals, we need to be ready to stand up for them. Too many “peacemakers” become so idealistic that they can’t see that at times physical confrontation is the best option. When I see someone wronging someone else, I call attention to it. The true test of a man is what he is willing to stand up for, or stand up against. My father once jumped in the middle of a fist-fight and tossed two grown men aside saying, “go home, there is too much hate in the world.” At a time like that, passive resistance would have done nothing. I have gotten my fair share of bloody noses and fat lips from defending those who could not defend themselves. I see it, that if I stand idly by and watch someone get beaten up when I could have stopped it, I am just as guilty as the attackers.  Strive for peace, but be ready for action.

     As with any life, we are required to make harsh decisions in regards to business and doing what needs to be done. Often times, this leaves many people cold and jaded. I, like everyone, have made tough choices in my life. At work, I am very business minded and prioritize what needs to be done. However, my need for serious decisions doesn’t relegate my need for a sense of humor. In high school, I was elected the class clown, but also took things serious enough that I was in the top 10% of my class rank. I love joking around because making someone laugh is a simple way to make his or her day better. I have no problem making fun of myself if it will make someone smile. I believe laughter is the best way to deal with the problems and unfortunate situations of life. Personally. my humor ranges from dry, to sarcastic, to witty, to obscure, to absurdist. I assign my own unique humor slant to serious situations. Doing so relieves and makes them seem far less cold, yet still allowing the work to get done. I vow to never take myself too seriously.

     I am very logical and strive to be in control, but there are times when I see that it's logical to let go of my restraints and thrive wild in the emotion of a moment. I appear to be unpredictable, when in reality it’s all actually carefully thought out pseudo-spontaneity. I’m not above streaking, mooning, or shouting. No matter what I do though, it’s always for a desired pre-planned result. So what is the truth of spontaneity, how I appear to others or how I really am? It is that combination of logic and passion, each at their most extreme combined that ultimately makes me who I am.

     Many who create call themselves artists because they create “art,” I call myself an artist because I am art. The true art is not the material product of clay or musical writings, but the expression inherent in the personal creation of that “art”. Though I do sculpt, write music, prose, and poetry, it is not because of these that I am an artist. I am what I call a life artist, expressing myself through chance, action, obscurity, and emotion. I visualize my life as a blank page, to be filled in with experience. I color it randomly, returning to parts skipped and filling them with richness whose beauty only makes sense in the bigger picture. The expression of my art is how I am perceived by my actions.

     If I had to choose one ultimate characteristic to symbolize myself, I am an optimist. Often optimism is associated with an ignorance or naivety of the truth. I have a more philosophical, logically backed model to my view. My unique outlook on life has turned me into the eternal optimist; virtually nothing brings me down. I turn misfortune into opportunity. My optimism is coupled with planning for contingencies. When I have plans for the worst things that could happen, I can focus on the best. It requires a longer explanation (to that end I am currently writing a book.) My goal is to use what I have learned to help others. This web site is just an introduction to my plan.

     When I divide my life up between the opposite extremes, anything in between is possible. I intend to try everything in my life, and live without borders. Some random examples of things I have done in my short time here so far…I have a certificate in dental radiology. I've won first prize on a game show at the age of 15. I've worked as a dental assistant, towel boy, Santa Claus, Easter Bunny, waiter, Sea World vendor, Bible school helper, bartender, hospital janitor, counselor, a pool, bar, and grill manager. I've graduated and am now working on being a professional writer. I'm known for my back massages, and have even taught LMTs my techniques. I was both class clown and prom king in high school. I'm still good friends with all my ex-girlfriends. I’ve been a primetime radio DJ. I try to be one of the last real gentlemen around. I refuse to settle for anything, and live my life in the constant state of progression.

     In a nutshell, I am an optimistic, expressionistic, altruistic, idealistic, philosophical, eccentric, extremist, seemingly contradicting, adaptable, Renaissance, “dude”. My master plan is to use this site to color who I am and get people interested in my helping others.